valentines day was such a killer. my speech wasnt even made braodcast to you, well not the way i wanted it to be that is. and i didnt get to be with you. not cause i didnt want to, but you started to avoid me? i dont understand you sometimes, there at times your so sweet to me and you make me feel like i was gifted to have you by my side and that i'ld give my life just to be with you. but then there are just times that contradicts that thought.
you always make me feel irritated, you always make me feel like an idiot, you always make me feel jealous. maybe it was all cause of that day when i asked you during recess. maybe it was the way i kept bugging you to give me an exact answer when you replied me with "you have to wait until my whole long cue of people ends"
its been a week since i talked to you, but you never seem to fail to catch my attention. you never seem to fail in bringing a smile on my face whenever your name is being said out aloud anywhere. we owe each other "whacks". will there ever be the time where you would just suddenly come and give me?
its always like this, when you have freinds you neglect the other people around you or you neglect the promises you made like the one where you said you'ld spend the whole of recess with me at the ulu corner.
there are so many people stalking me at school. you know how scary it feels? yet you know how stupid it seems? to know that everyone wants to be with me but i dont want them. i only want you, but you dont want to be with me. am i not good enough for you? am i too fucked up with all my things going on in my life that you seem to think i dont have time with you? i would give everything up for you.
and ive got this friend of mine. shes really a good friend i guess? people say otherwise though. anyhows i found out she likes me and she doesnt know that i know about it. so ive been pretending all the way that i dont know of such stuff. but yet, everynight we'ld talk on the phone. we normally do that before and all. but now it seems wrong. and i feel like i may be leading her on. i dont ant to. i dont like to lead people on. so is it right to ignore her? or is it better to just pretend and do what we normally do? she messages me always. and she talks about me always to her friends. ive heard. and i dont wanna lead her on. i really dont. but what can i do? i thought of messaging her. like telling her i know about it and i dont want you to get the wrong idea and that ill treat her as a good friend only and stuff. but maybe its too extreme? tsk.
well, coming back to you,
i plan on giving you up. i plan on giving all of this up. to be free without heartaches anymore. and that ill try. but ive been trying for the past few months already? i can never seem to give up. and avoiding you or not talking to you wont help. it just makes me feel stronger for you.
but for now, i miss you . and i pray, youll see everything that i see in you again one day. that one day, youll come back to me. and when that day comes, ill be waiting for you.
